Fido & Me — Crash Test Dummies


“Why are we upside down?” Fido wanted to know. “Why does my butt hurt so much? And why is the roof suddenly the floor, and the floor suddenly the roof?”


“Fido, we’re in a car crash. Are you OK?”


“I am confused. What’s a car crash?”


“It happened when I lost control of the car. Ooof. Man, this really hurts.”


“There sure is a lot of dust in here,” Fido said.


“Sagebrush, too,” I said.


“Where are we?”


“We are upside down by the side of the road on Monitor Pass ... I think. Wow. I’m woozy and sleepy all of a sudden.”


“I don’t like-don’t like-don’t like this,” Fido said.


“Fido, I’m going to try to unbuckle my seatbelt now, so there might be a kind of crash in here when I do that. Are you sure you’re OK?”


“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”


“No, but it’s the only idea I have. I think we’d better get out of here, Fido. I’m not so sure that anything good can happen right just now.”




“I know, Fido. I told you there would be a kind of a crash. I have to catch my breath now. My leg really hurts. Hurts a ton.”


“Why is your leg twisted under the steering wheel? And who are these people scrambling up the hillside?”


“You’re going to have to tell me, Big Boy. I am face down in the dust, I can’t turn over, my arm is underneath me, I can’t lift it and I can’t turn over or turn around. But I can see enough that I have a hunch that all of them have more wits about them than us right about now.”


“Not only that,” Fido said. “One of them has a Mammoth Lakes Fire District cap on! He says his name is Ales Tomaier and that his wife Michelle  and the kids are along, too! I love the Fire District. Best hydrants anywhere, and in all seasons. Even after a snowstorm!”


“Who are the other people, Fido?”


“I have never seen them. But one of them said they were from Washington State, they’d been in Bishop climbing and bouldering in the Buttermilks, and were now heading over to the Bay Area, where we came from. And the girl’s name is Kat with a ‘K’ and she is the one wrapping you up in the space blanket right now. Some Kats are great!” Fido said.


“That’s really nice of her,” I said. “Is she the one who is trying to extricate my leg, too?”


“That’s somebody else and I can’t remember his name.


 “Are you sure you’re OK, Fido?”


“You bet, and the fireman is talking to some other people who are going to take me to a place where it’s safe and warm, and he tells me that you and I will meet up again tomorrow or the next day.” 


“It might be longer, Fido. See that big red truck? It’s an ambulance. And I’ll get a ride inside that. I don’t know where they are going to take me, but I know we’ll see each other soon. In the meantime, take it easy. I love you, you big red lug.”


“I love you too!” Fido said. “See you soon!”