Fido & Me - Bang for the Bark


“I like this one,” Fido said “Let’s pee on the tires!”

“You have that all mixed up, Fido. You don’t do that when you’re looking at cars. You can kick the tires, sure, but that’s more a human thing. Dogs don’t kick really well.”

“OK, then, let’s look under the hood!”

“It used to be that an ordinary pair of car-shoppers could do that, Fido, but not anymore. I doubt that I’d be able to tell much more about a car than you would by just looking under the hood. They all look alike to me. Big computers with rubber hoses and so on.”

“But … but…”

“What you really want to do, Fido, is look on the inside, because that’s where you and I will be spending most of our time anyway, at least when we’re going somewhere. I’ll go ahead and open the door, and you can hop right in.”

“It looks like it’s a little bit too high for me,” Fido said. “I’m worried that I won’t make it. I won’t go-won’t go-won’t go.”

“Not to worry, Fido, this one is built specifically for customers like us. It’s called a ‘dog package’ and it not only has bells and whistles, it has lots of things you’d enjoy.”

“Look!” Fido said. “Is that a dog ramp?!?!? Now that’s some bang for the bark!”

“It is, you big, red lug. Some of these car people think of everything. This ramp is built in, and it just slides right out with a flick of a finger.”

“Or the pat of a paw!” Fido said. “It works, too! I just walked right up and I’m in! Hey! Lookee here! A built-in dog bowl! Which reminds me, I’m thirsty!”

“You’re always thirsty, Fido,” I said. “But I have to admit, this dog bowl thing is a surprise. Sometimes you’ve just got to hand it to the Japanese, you know?”

“And what’s this?”

“I have no idea, Fido. I can see that it folds up and attaches to the wall, though. Lemme figure this out. Hmmm.”

“It’s a soft kennel!” Fido cried. “That way, if you have to stop suddenly, I won’t get all beat up.”

“Gosh, Fido, after all this time, it looks like you’ve found the vehicle you really, really want.”

“You bet!” Fido said. “I feel like I’m, in my element!”

“There are other options out there, though. You can’t just fall in love wnd leave it at that. Sometimes, you have to shop around. We have to think about things like clearance, on account of the snow and the snow berms and the rough terrain around here.”

“OK, I’m game.”

“It says here that Triple-A, the car people, have identified a total of 11 SUVs, crossovers, and wagons as the top dog-friendly vehicles. The trick, at least for you, is to find one that gives you plenty of room. A waterproof seat cover would be nice, too, Fido, for those days we’re coming in from the lake or the hot springs. It would be nice to have an adjustable harness/booster seat pet restraint system and maybe a pet barrier and a dog tether to keep you from jumping into the passenger seat, on the odd and unlikely chance that I have a lady friend along for the ride.”

“They’ve thought of everything, but I still like the first one.”

“Why is that Fido?”

“Call me simple-minded, but I like that built-in water bowl!”