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Fido and Me - Rookies

January 16, 2014

“Just when I think I have things figured out, along comes a rookie.”

“Come again, Fido?

“And just when I had the team all figured out.”

“Ah. You are speaking of the new dog in the office. The puppy.”

“She’s going to be a problem.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You’ve had puppies around here before, and with you being the designated Sheriff of the newshounds, you ought to be able to handle the new kid. Her name is Georgia, by the way, not to be confused with you-know-who.”

“What kind of a name is that for a dog? And she sure talks a lot. Can’t shut her up.”

“As you say, Mr. Big, she’s a rookie. A load of talent, but you know what they say about rookies.”

“Yes. A rookie can only lose you the game, never win one.”

“But with strong guidance and a steady dose of encouragement, one day you come to realize a rookie isn’t a rookie anymore.”

“She has a big nose. An enormous proboscis.”

“Fido, that has never seemed to be a problem. She’s a collie. Collies have long noses. And anyway, what’s so wrong with a long nose?”

“Ask Cyrano de Bergerac.”

“I think you might be making too much of a big deal about that, Fido.”

“But the team needs to understand the rules.”

“I understand that. What would you say is the top rule a good newshound should learn?”

“Rule No. 1 is that my water bowl is MY water bowl.”

“You seem generous about that, though. The other hounds like bellying up to your water bowl.”

“As long as I get first dibs. Did you see what happened this morning?”

“OK, so the rookie doesn’t quite yet get the pecking order.”

“I had to growl at her.”

“That’s fine, so long as you don’t get into a scrap. Did the rookie get the message?”

“I had to growl two or three times with this one, just this morning. I have better things to do.”

“Indeed you do, you big red lug. Such as … what, exactly?”

“That’s the second big rule. A good newshound has to guard the front door. She’s everywhere EXCEPT the front door.”

“I guess that’s a fact, because all sorts of people walk past here with their dogs, and it’s important that they know they have to walk softly, even if they’re carrying a big stick, right?”

“And they have to keep their wits about them. They just can’t lie around in a crate and sleep all day.”

“Funny, because that’s just like the humans around here, Fido. We ourselves tend to snooze a bit, from time to time.”

“But that’s only when you’re writing Hound Council news. A good newshound has to have a nose for news, even if it’s the Hound Council, with their endless Dog Improvement Fees.”

“The DIF is one thing, true, but it’s true also when we’re writing about boarding a dog.”

“Yes. The boarding of supervisors especially. And grooming, too.”

“Do you have any other rules? Big Boy?”

“Being the Sheriff, I get to greet the FedEx man and the UPS man first.”

“I had no idea that was important.”

“Both of them carry biscuits. It’s important that the Sheriff get the first biscuit. Rookies get the last biscuit, if there’s any left.”

“Gosh, Fido, with the rookie, that means there may be as many as six or seven newshounds around here at any given time.”

“That is my point.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes. They have to know how to properly yell ‘Hey-hey-hey-hey,’ because if you can’t have fun being a newshound, then you’re never going to have fun anywhere.”

“You are a wise old man, Fido.”

“Hey-hey-hey-hey!”

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