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Fido and Me - Chores

January 9, 2014

 

“Wait a minute!”

“Golly, Fido, I’d be happy to wait a minute, but we have things to do today. We’re doing household chores.”

“I don’t-like, don’t-like household chores.”

“You don’t have to do a thing. Just relax. We have all of December to clean up after.”

“How can you clean up a whole month?”

“Fido, once again you have this all mixed up. What with Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Year’s Day, then Twelfth Night, the house has gone to seed a little bit.”

“So that’s why all the boxes are out and open.”

“Exactly. We’re putting away the ornaments, the tinsel, the college football knickknacks, along with the red and green table candles, the wrapping paper, the ribbons and all that.”

“But I like all that stuff.”

“Me too, but we’ll put up other holiday decorations as the calendar dictates. You know, like the Martin Luther King, Jr. stuff.”

“Never heard of him.”

“He was a great man, Fido. He led the Civil Rights Movement and created a holiday for skiers and snowboarders.”

“I like him already. So let’s put up the ornaments!”

“First, we have to clean up after the last ones. We need to clean the floors.”

“Ruh-roh.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“It’s that big, loud, dog-eating machine! It hates me!”

“Fido, it’s a machine. It’s a vacuum cleaner. It doesn’t hate anyone. It’s a good thing. And if it means anything at all, most dogs don’t like them. You are not alone.”

“I think it sucks.”

“Quite right, Mr. Big. With a simple flick of a switch and some earplugs for the noise, it will pick up all the shedded dog fur, the cat fur, the stray peanut, the odd bit of ribbon, paper clips, everything that didn’t quite make it to the trash bin during the rush of the holidays.”

“There has to be an easier way.”

“Humans have spent many moons trying to find easier ways to clean floors, Fido, but so far, this is the best thing we have.”

“It’s a DOG-EATER!”

“If it makes you feel better, you could wait outside until I’m done.”

“Then it will eat the cat!”

“The cat seems to be impervious to the threat.”

“But the cat is imperial to everything!”

“Oh, Fido, don’t goof around with me. We have work to do. You’re either with me on this, or not.  If so, we can make this a fun thing. If not, you can wait outside.”

“But then I would miss putting up the Martin Luther King, Jr. ornaments.”

“Like I said, it’s your choice.”

“I don’t even know what a Martin Luther King, Jr. ornament is!”

“Nobody does, Fido. I certainly don’t. But we’ll figure out something.”

“It seems complicated.”

“Lucky for us, Groundhog Day is just three weeks away, and we can do a LOT of decorating around Groundhog Day. We can get a Groundhog tree, hang the mistletoe, knock on wood and hope for the best. The length of winter is at stake.”

“I like winter.”

“Me too. If the groundhog, or in our case, a marmot, creeps out of his underground shelter and sees its shadow, then it becomes frightened, and crawls back to bed, and we get a guaranteed extra six weeks of winter.”

“I’m rooting for the groundhog to see its shadow.”

“You are a wise dog, Fido. Now, can you scrunch over so I can pull the vacuum cleaner out of the closet?”

“If it eats me up, my last will and testament is under my water bowl.”

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