Fido and Me – Hound Council
Fido wants to build a Hound Council.
“The way I figure it,” he said. “There are about 8,000 humans here and they’ve got a Town Council. By my own careful observation, there are about two dogs to every human in Mammoth. There’s a reason they call it the Dog Capital of America.”
“Fido, I’ve never heard Mammoth called that.”
“We hounds talk about it, though. No better place in the world to be a dog than here. The Inyo National Forest might be the biggest dog park on Earth.”
Fido licked his chops and went back to work.
“Have I ever told you how much I hate Microsoft Office?” he asked out of nowhere.
“Why, no Fido. The fact is, everybody hates it. But it’s what we have.”
I looked over his shoulder. He was trying to create an organizational chart.
“What program are you using?”
“PowerPaw,” he said.
“So what are your criteria?”
Fido said he had it all figured.
“One member should be erudite and thoughtful, not a waster of words.
Another should be concerned with ‘business’ (at this Fido chuckled at his double-entendre), but also an athlete and a big-idea guy.
“We need a retired do-gooder, too, for intellectual balance, a go-go member who can’t sit still, and finally, a pure and loveable crowd pleaser.”
“Hmm, this sounds awfully familiar to me,” I said.
I asked him what the big-ticket issues would be for the Hound Council.
“First of all, we need someone to keep on top of the poop situation,” he said.
“It’s not a dog issue, per se, but since we’re the ones doing the pooping, people need to be educated about what to do.
“In the summer it’s not as big an issue as the winter. When there’s snow on the ground, and poop on top of the snow, yecchh. Even we hounds get disgusted.
“There ought to be more poop bag stands around town, with a pail or something so humans don’t have to walk around with bags of turds!”
“I’d like to have a dog on the council who is primarily concerned with recreation stuff. Tennis ball chases is a good example, and fetch. And transportation. Would a Gentle Leader qualify as a muzzle on the buses? That kind of thing.”
“Who are your nominees?” I said.
“Mica and Sky, Samantha, Khan, Tessa, Zeppelin, FJ, Moses, Molly and any write-ins.”
“And you?” I said. “How do you see yourself fitting into this scheme?”
Fido grinned and gave me a nudge in the ribs.
“I’d be the Fidociary Officer!”