Archive - Jul 2011 - Entertainment News Article
Fido says he wants to join a dating service.
Me, I was listening to a baseball game, concentrating on a two-on, two-out, one-run game, and this took me by surprise.
âWhat the heck-fire?â said I.
âItâs not that Iâm lonely, but Iâd like to have someone of my ilk to share experiences, romp around, get into sniffing contests, have conversations, discuss brands of kibble, that kind of thing.
âGood God, man,â I said. âMammoth has more dogs than humans. Are you sure youâre not already sitting on a canine gold mine?â
Fido rolled over on his side and let out a long breath.
âTo live alone one must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle. Leaving out the third case: one must be both - a philosopher.â
âWhaa?â I says.
Fido repeated it.
âIâve heard this before,â says I to Fido. Me, I was listening to the baseball game.
âItâs Friedrich Nietzsche,â says Fido.
âI can hardly believe my ears,â I says to him. âYou buy that?â
âDunno,â says Fido. âIâll believe anything if thereâs a biscuit in it.â
Fido and I are playing checkers.
Most people think checkers is a kids' game, but checkers is more complicated than you'd think. Even more than that, checkers is a convivial game. It' not like chess. Chess is played by erudite and bloodthirsty combatants; Germany and France and all of that.
Fido is neither erudite nor bloodthirsty and checkers is the game for him.
Being a red dog, he always chooses the red pieces, so he gets the first move.
I am trying to teach Fido baseball.
Heâs doing pretty well since April, but heâs got a ways to go.
There is no set way to teach a dog baseball. For that matter, thereâs no set way to teach a human, either. Itâs an acquired thing, based on repetition.
âWanna learn baseball?â I says to Fido as the season began. Snow was falling outside.
Fido says,âHey Hey Hey Hey!â
So we began.