Archive - Dec 2011 - Entertainment News Article

Fido and Me – Dog Songs

December 16, 2011

Fido is shopping.

“The trick,” he said, “is to find gifts that dogs themselves dig, rather than humans. Get it? Digging dogs?”

Fido paused to lick his, um, belly. He lay near the table, dictating to me as I worked the Web on his behalf. His legs are as nimble as fence posts, and his paws just can’t work a keyboard.

“You have an actual strategy?” I asked.

“Why, yes,” he said.

“I get it. You are a very clever dog, my good man.” I gave him a pat and a scratch.

Fido closed his eyes halfway. He was in thought.

Fido and Me – Passing gas

December 9, 2011

Fido does not pass gas.

“It’s an untoward behavior,” he said the other night. We lay in bed, ready for a long winter’s nap. “It’s no more acceptable than it is in humans.”

“It’s a good thing you think like that,” I said. “Otherwise you’d be outside.”

We had just finished reading the long, long, l-o-n-g New York Times article about purebred dogs, especially bulldogs.

“Inveterate farters,” said Fido. “It’s why I didn’t mind that the Georgia Bulldogs didn’t win. Not even the Superdome would be able to mitigate their behavior.”

Fido and Me – Deep breathing

December 2, 2011

Fido is teaching me deep breathing.

“Hey, hey, hey hey!”

He lay on his side and invited me over.

“I have noticed that lots of humans don’t quite get this,” he said, “but once you get the hangdog of it, it’s easy and it will make you feel better.”

I had just passed through a weekend of football — college and pro. During the Iowa-Nebraska game a week ago, I was a total wreck. I can handle a boring game if my guys come out on top, but alas, it was that kind of game and that kind of season.